The Mother Wound: Unraveling the Roots of Low Self-Esteem
How Early Relationships Shape Our Sense of Self
Many sensitive, insightful people come to therapy feeling stuck in patterns they can’t explain: chronic self-doubt, the need to prove their worth, or the inability to say no without guilt. These patterns often show up as people-pleasing or perfectionism—coping strategies that may have once helped us feel safe, loved, or needed. But over time, they can erode our sense of self and leave us feeling unseen or exhausted.
From a psychodynamic and developmental lens, these traits don’t arise out of nowhere. They often take root in early caregiving relationships, especially with a parent whose love felt conditional. For many, this wound is carried in the relationship with their mother—a dynamic commonly referred to as the Mother Wound.
The Roots of People-Pleasing
Perfectionism and the Pursuit of Enough
Perfectionism is often misunderstood as a drive for excellence. But beneath it is frequently a desperate hope to feel “enough.” For those who experienced love as conditional—dependent on performance, achievement, or appearance—perfectionism becomes a shield against shame.
From a developmental and psychodynamic perspective, the inner critic often emerges as a protective figure, internalized from a parent or culture that demanded more than the child could reasonably give. As adults, we may continue to hear this voice—harsh, unrelenting, and always disappointed.
A psychodynamic approach to the Mother Wound helps illuminate where this voice originated and why it felt necessary. In individual psychotherapy, we can begin to loosen the grip of the inner critic by fostering a new, more self-compassionate internal relationship.
The Mother Wound and Low Self-Esteem
The Mother Wound is not about blaming mothers. It’s about understanding the impact of emotional dynamics—often generational—that shaped our earliest sense of self. If a mother was critical, emotionally distant, enmeshed, or overwhelmed, a child might internalize the belief that they were “too much,” “not enough,” or fundamentally flawed.
These early beliefs can calcify into low self-esteem, self-abandonment, or identity confusion. Understanding the link between low self-esteem and childhood dynamics is a crucial part of healing. In therapy, we begin to name what was never named and grieve what was never received. From this place, deeper healing becomes possible.
A Path Toward Healing
Healing the Mother Wound is slow, gentle work. It involves turning toward the parts of you that still seek approval, still fear rejection, or still believe love must be earned. By listening gently to what’s been long ignored and by meeting yourself with compassion, those old strategies no longer need to run the show. In a safe therapeutic relationship, together we explore how people-pleasing and perfectionism stem from early relationships, and how new ways of being and relating can emerge.
Whether you’re seeking attachment-based therapy for self-criticism, or therapy for perfectionism, low self-esteem, or people-pleasing, this work is about reclaiming your worth—not through doing more or being better, but by learning to be with yourself in a new way.
Curious to learn more?
At Sarita Redalia Psychotherapy, I offer depth-oriented therapy to help you challenge the inner critic, reconnect with your core self, and heal longstanding patterns with insight and self-compassion. Have a look at my therapy specializations: anxiety, depression, trauma, relationship challenges, and individual psychotherapy—when you feel ready, I welcome you to contact me for a free phone consultation.